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Dear boy,

   She (still) remember..
   the day both of you were sitting in the school library
   when she was working on the task from her teacher
   and you were laughing with your friends on things she had no idea about
 
   It was meant to be a look at the source of that annoying noise
   but it was your eyes that she caught
   How did that just happened?
   when those stares accidentally met more than once
   and you were keeping it cool
   while she repeatedly looking down to hide her rosy face

   Wasn't that the beginning of all?
   oh boy, she didn't even have a clue

   It was unexpected
   she didn't realize you took those steps
   'till suddenly you already standing right in front of her seat and pulled the chair
   did you know her heart started to beat so fast?
   even faster when you opened the conversation
   introducing yourself and asking what she was doing
   but luckily, school bell saved her
   without waiting any longer, she rose from her chair
   made collecting the task to her teacher as an excuse to get away
   or should I say ...to prevent more noticeable clumsiness?

   She (still) remember..
   when there was no seats left for her in the school bus
   and you stand right behind, playing around with the jacket she wore
   but kept doing the same thing though getting some annoyed looks from her
   did you know she was actually really happy inside?

   She (still) remember..

   the morning she was waiting for the school to start,

   sitting and chatting with her friends in the park,

   then you came and sat face to face in a sudden

   pretended like you've been part of the on-going conversation

   behaved as if trying to get attention

   She (still) remember..

   the recess time when you came out of nowhere and asked what was happening 

   tried to mediate the little clash between her and an African girl

   but then abandoned without receiving any gratitude

   will you please pardon her?

   she was actually glad that you came

   but at the same time also feeling so ashamed

   

   She (still) remember..
   the first day of coming back to school after few weeks absent
   when she was sitting next to the window in one of the back rows in the bus
   and kept looking outside to hide her face
   or shall I say to hide the marks left by chickenpox?
   yet, you could still recognize that embarrassed girl in the middle of the crowd
   then stood near her seat and said "you're still beautiful"

   She (still) remember..
   the name you used for her unlike any other days
   to tell her best friend that came to the class to spend the recess time together with her as usual
   while she was still working on something in the computer lab
   do you know how "my girlfriend" left her in a big question?
 
   She (still) remember..
   when you were scrambling with one of the classmate
   just to help her to resolve the craft in a woodwork class

   She (still) remember..
   on the graduation day
   when you were about to walk to the podium as a student representation
   but rather than to a friend which sat next to you or on you own seat,
   you asked her to hold your sweater while you give a thank you speech
 
   so does the moment you approached her mother

   where you took a walk and talk about things she couldn't figured out from behind the wall

   oh boy, why did you kept doing things that drove her in a wonder?
   even in the last moment of the day both of you wore the same uniform
   when you stroked her chin and said "you look beautiful today" as you passed by
   before finally you crossed the road to get to the spot where later she always have her eyes on there

► Nicole Zefanya - Autumn

She may never forget

but dear,

when you look at the wall across the road 

that girl who used to come almost every afternoon after school by a thirty minutes bus trip 

will no longer be sitting in there just to have a sight of someone missing from her days

no, boy..
she didn't leave

slowly but sure, you killed her.

Sincerely,
twenty-four changes of seasons